The Lightning Claim Nate Thompson, Bolts Fans Scratch Their Heads

Another Brian Lawton Masterpiece

The Lightning announced the move Thursday.  Brian Lawton says he’s excited about the move, and that “the team will benefit greatly from his tenacity, physicality and energy as well as his overall ability.”  Seeing as I had never heard of the guy before yesterday, I wanted to see just what kind of physicality and overall ability we would be benefitting from so greatly.  Here’s what I found:

Nate Thompson's Career Regular Season Statistics.

Before I even get started, it’s probably not a good sign that you were so bad that the statistics from two years of your career have completely disappeared.

That being said, I’m no expert, but I don’t see much value in those statistics.  He’s not tenacious, 88PIM in 86 games averages out to be a minor penalty every 1.95 games, or a fighting major every 4.88 games.  Terrifying.  And given that he’s only managed to play in six more games than one regular season over the course of two, I have a hard time believing he’s not an injury risk.  This also disqualifies ‘physical.’

As far as general talent, 10 points in 86 games, I can safely say, does not qualify.  That averages out to almost nine games in between points.  Given that the Lightning evidently have to score at least nine goals to beat teams higher than them in the standings, and at least three to beat the teams lower than them in the standings, you’d think they’d go after a guy who is a little more productive.  Not to mention that at -25, it’s safe to assume he’s a defensive liability.  Gary Bettman might like that about him, but us Lightning fans shouldn’t.

So basically, he goes games at a time without doing much of anything.

Now that we’ve completely ruled out the reason Lawton claims he picked him up, let’s take a look at some of the possibilities for the real reason he claimed him.

* Thompson is a guy who hasn’t necessarily been given a “fair shot” in other systems, and Lawton wants to take a low-risk chance on him.  Likeliness: Above average.  Analysis: Fine, I just don’t understand why every crappy player who hasn’t been given a “fair chance” since 1992 decides that Tampa Bay is their shot at fairness.

* Thompson actually spends the entire game skating every possible inch of the ice over and over to make sure the zamboni drivers have something to do during the intermissions.  This could have something to do with his apparent durability issues.  Likeliness: Low, but given the bumbling bunch of idiots we’re talking about here, it can’t be ruled out.  Analysis: Sounds about right.

* Vinny Lecavalier has been scoring over a point-per-game pace over recent weeks, and Rick Tocchet needed a talentless player to stick on a line with him to slow him down.  Likeliness: High.  Analysis: With the way Lecavalier has been scoring, taking penalties, and winning faceoffs lately, Tocchet is running out of excuses not to put him on a line with Marty.

* Brian Lawton is completely unqualified to organize a surprise birthday party, let alone a professional sports franchise, is incapable of making a sound decision, and when it comes down to it is just a total moron.  Likeliness: Guaranteed. Analysis: Oren Koules and Len Barrie are his bosses.