A Letter to Jeff Vinik

All right big guy, you got your team.  For the time being, you are on my good side, and most of Tampa's for saving us from Dumb and Dumber.  Now before you officially take over, we need to discuss some things.

Before I even get started, Don't Trade Vinny is always going to be brutally honest.  While I usually lean to the side of humor, as seen in my post about Gary Bettman, I can get angry too.  I've followed the NHL and the Lightning for as long as the Lightning have been around.  I deserve at least that much.

Listen, the first thing you need to do is get your pretty little rich pointer finger off the 'Trade Vinny' button.  Vinny is just now getting to 100% after a series of injuries.  That dumb looking bald guy that stands behind the bench, yeah, unfortunately he's our coach, and he doesn't like playing Vinny on the first line.  That's another reason for a slight downturn in his numbers.  Vinny will be worth every single cent that you ever pay him, I promise you.  And if you want the fan reaction you described in your interview, DO NOT TRADE HIM.  Period.  If you trade him, you will lose money on this deal.  Guaranteed.

That being said, those other idiots left you with a LONG laundry list of things you need to take care of.  And soon.  Despite what they told you, the franchise is not in that good of shape.  So, here's what you need to do:

- Hire a Team President.  As you said yourself, you want to get in touch with the fan base that surrounded the team during the good years.  To do that, you're going to need someone that was around the team back then, and someone who is in touch with the people of Tampa Bay.   Call Phil Esposito.  Do it.  Now.  He's waiting for you to call him.  He founded this team.  Now.  What are you waiting for?  Bettman hasn't made the purchase official? Oh, who cares? You met the guy, you know he's an idiot.  Just call Phil.

- Fire Rick Tocchet and Hire Ken Hitchcock Now.

- Get rid of Brian Lawton and hire anyone else.  Call Phil Esposito.

- According to this site, we have just over $4,000,000 available before we reach the salary cap.  Have whoever you hire as GM Phil make a deal for Tomas Kaberle.  Or Alexander Frolov.  Or Ray Whitney.  Or J.P. Dumont.  The team as is will not do anything in the playoffs.  If they make it at all.  You know what? Just let Don't Trade Vinny take over as GM.  That way Phil can focus on being President.

- In total seriousness, just do what you just told us you were going to do.  Create a winning environment that players want to be apart of, and fans can enjoy. 

We've been lied to and crapped
on enough by those other losers.

I'm going to let you and your family get settled in now.  If you need me, let me know. 

Stop thanking me, just get on the horn and call Phil. 

By the way, tell Phil to call me.

- FRTHKHN (DTV)