Rick Tocchet's Birthday Song

Well, today is Ricky's birthday.  He's 46 today, going on 12.  Being a musician as well as an athlete/blogger/parent/fiancee, I felt it fitting that I go ahead and write a special, personalized rendition of the birthday song for our beloved coach.

Without further ado; Happy Birthday Rick Tocchet.

(Guitar strumming lightly)

Happy Birthday to you,

You coach like you’re two,                                                                 

You need a new hair-do,

And a job somewhere else too.

Happy Birthday to you,

Can’t wait for this season to be through,

I want to beat you with a shoe,

And that a-hole Brian Lawton too.

Happy Birthday to you,

Lecavalier you sure did screw,

Our defense sucks and so do you,

And you make our goalies give up at least five goals between the two.

  

Happy Birthday to you,

I want to attach your face to my bumper with glue,

I’ll be glad when someone straightens out this damn zoo,

Go to hell in a hand basket,

ANNNNDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!

Take Janet Gretzky, and sports betting, and our crappy goalie coach, and the dumb empty expression on your face, and your big empty bald head, and those two idiots in my fantasy hockey league, and cats, and Lawton, and Koules and Barrie, and pretty much anyone involved with the team the past two seasons, and everything that is wrong with hockey and the world!!!

WITH YOU TOO!!!!!!!