Well, I made Montreal jealous earlier after using the term “Puck Bunny” to describe some of my followers. Apparently… It means ‘a female that goes to hockey games simply to try and score with the players.’ I thought it was just a cute, complimentary term for female hockey fans. Needless to say, I
got my ass handed to me heard about it from those that the comment was directed at. Embarrassing? Check. Regrettable? Check. Hilarious? Check. Once again; sorry to my lovely lady hockey fans.
Anyway, the whole ordeal got me thinking about some other hockey terms that may have meanings that may be unknown or misused. Here’s a list of some commonly misused hockey terms.
“Successful Southern Expansion”
Implied meaning: That Gary Bettman’s southern movement was successful.
Actual meaning: None. I know I’m a fan of one of these teams, but come on we're the only one with a cup. (EDITORS UPDATE: The Hurricanes, Ducks, and Stars have cups too. My Bad.)
“Clean Hit by Matt Cooke”
Implied meaning: Matt Cooke did not try to decapitate someone.
Actual meaning: A hit by Matt Cooke in which no one died.
“Quality Versus Hockey Coverage”
Implied meaning: Versus does a good job covering the NHL.
Actual meaning: Gary Bettman is having an illicit affair with the CEO of Versus, and therefore exaggerates how well they are doing.
“Kyle Wellwood Diet”
Implied meaning: Kyle Wellwood is on a weight-loss plan.
Actual meaning: The daily 12,000 calorie intake of Kyle Wellwood. ie; ‘The Kyle Wellwood Diet.’
“Tampa Bay Lightning Goal Tending”
Implied meaning: The goalie tandem of the Tampa Bay Lightning.
Actual meaning: Black Hole.
Implied meaning: Clearing the puck from your zone while at even-strength.
Actual meaning: What other hockey players do to Sean Avery’s ex-girlfriends.
Implied meaning: One of Doc Emrick’s favorite sayings; supposed to mean a blocker save towards the direction of the boards.
Actual Meaning: A method of terrorism interrogation initially drawn up by Dick Cheney. Terrorists are laid on a hot skillet, doused with butter and syrup, and poked with a fork until they come clean with details of their attacks.