According to reports, authorities in Montreal have detained Steve Yzerman after he was caught trying to kidnap Montreal Canadiens defenseman PK Subban this afternoon. Evidently after knocking a starstruck Hal Gill into Carey Price's locker, Yzerman snuck out the backdoor with Subban.
Yzerman was then pulled over for speeding about 30 miles outside of Montreal when Subban was discovered in the backseat. When questioned about the kidnapping, Yzerman replied:
"Well, we had taken pretty much everything else from the Canadiens organization. I just assumed we were entitled to whatever we wanted."
Upon arriving at an area prison, Yzerman was of course greeted with a jersey retirement ceremony, then ferocious booing from the crowd that assembled outside the entrance. Shortly after, Yzerman posted bail and was released. Shortly after that, roughly $400,000 of damage was done to the prison, and 65 Montreal citizens were detained after a brief riot broke out.
When asked for comment, Canadiens GM Pierre Gauthier had this to offer:
"We would have been fine with him taking PK, had he taken Jacques Martin with him as well."
When asked about what was going through his head during the ordeal, Subban was surprisingly frank:
"I got to thinking 'ya know, I'm pretty happy being the Canadiens top prospect, but I could be somebody else's top prospect if need be.'
"And to be honest, I was kind of looking forward to going somewhere where the fan base wouldn't dump me after my first turnover, but, ya know whatever. I'm not a big fan of black anyway."
Yzerman is scheduled to return to Tampa sometime this evening. Initial reports are that Lightning owner Jeff Vinik has already pursued a restraining order for Yzerman against Andrei Kostitsyn and Roman Hamrlik. Vinik didn't have much to say about the incident, only this:
"Everyone kept saying he was going to make some bonehead rookie mistake. I guess this was it."
(Huge Glove Bump to The Active Stick blog for help on this one. Check her out.)

Be warned, there's a warrant out in Philly for the arrest of Steve Yzerman, that news should be breaking on Down Goes Spezza soon enough
ReplyDeleteJedi mind tricks don't work up here. Gauthier's shielded.
ReplyDeleteOf course he could bypass the whole ordeal by declaring Tampa a suburb of Montreal, giving Canada that 7th team and the local media all it's francophone darlings in one shot. It's a win-win situation.