Possible Reasons Simon Gagne has a Stiff Neck

"If I turn this way, it's okay.."

Well, in the least surprising news in Lightning history (other than dumbass dipshit Rick Tocchet getting fired), Simon Gagne is hurt. He has missed two games already with what the team is saying is a “stiff neck” and appears likely to miss Wednesday against the Penguins as well. 

While Gagne has certainly had his injury troubles, a “stiff neck” isn’t exactly a common hockey injury, so of course, I sent out the troops to see what’s going on.  While no definitive answer was come up with, my guys were able to put together a list of the possible causes of Gagne’s neck stiffness:

• The result of a devious plan by Down Goes Spezza in order to get some sort of retribution on Steve Yzerman. 
• Figured “what the hell? I’ve been out with every other possible injury." 
• On-going crick in his neck after a full year of ducking elbows at practice last season. 
• Wear and tear of constantly shaking his head at fan behavior after having spent 10 seasons in Philadelphia.
• Still feeling the weight of carrying the Flyers back from 3-0 in last year’s playoffs. 
• Injured the neck looking up and rolling his eyes after constantly having to explain to naive Florida natives: “It’s not Simon! it’s See-moan!” 
• Lingering effects of demanding team physicians asking “how many fingers am I holding up?” and “okay, now follow the light, Simon.” 
• Strained several muscles in the neck joining all of Lightning nation in laughing hysterically when it was announced that Matt Walker would be out for 10 to 12 weeks. 
• After starting the season -8, has developed substantial fatigue after whipping his head around to see the puck in his own net on every shift.