|"I ain't throwing shit."|
Why they chose waffles (or if Chris Pronger stole them), I have no idea. I'm assuming it's some sort of loose reference to maple syrup, or something similar. But that got me thinking: What could fans of other NHL teams throw on the ice to show their displeasure for the on-ice product, while making some sort of vague connection to the team?
- Tampa Bay Lightning fans should throw nothing, evidently, since if you ask anyone in Canada, we don't exist.
- Los Angeles fans would be wise to throw Whoppers. Or possibly chicken fries. Those were a disaster.
- Nashville fans should throw local criminals.
- New Jersey fans. You know what to do. Jam.
- Dallas fans should throw telescopes.
- Minnesota fans should throw telescopes.
- Sharks fans should throw the May and June pages from their calendars. Or if that doesn't work, just throw Joe Thornton. Under the bus. Again.
- Phoenix fans should throw... guys? You there? Bueller? Actually, speaking of former Canadian franchises, it's a good thing blogs didn't exist back in the day, because I don't know what the hell a nordique is either.
- Islanders fans should throw all their sticks in the middle, pick sides, and just play their own game.
- Atlanta fans should throw... what the fuck is a thrasher anyway?
- Montreal fans should throw... I guess each other.
- If I was an Oilers fan, I'd probably throw myself. Off a building.
- Calgary fans should probably throw back a few. It's gonna be a long one.
- Capitals fans should probably throw something, but given that most of them have only been fans since like 2007, they probably don't know that that's a hockey tradition.
-Vancouver fans, if you throw a whale, I'll personally drive there, shake all of your hands, and adopt your team as my new Western Conference favorite.* **
*Offer only valid on real whales. Orcas. Like from Free Willy. Not stuffed animals. A real whale.
**DTV is not responsible for possible action taken by Vancouver authorities, PETA, that little actor kid, Michael Jackson, or the Canucks.