Lightning Acquire the Rights to Mylec, the Goalie Tarp

Well, Stevie has made his first big move as GM, acquiring the rights to Mylec, the goalie tarp in exchange for our fifth round pick, and the remnants of Andrej Meszaros. 

Stevie had this to offer about the deal:

                “Well, with Guy’s offensive minded schemes, we felt that we needed a ‘stay at home’ kind of goalie, and Mylec really epitomizes that style.  He does have some trouble controlling rebounds, but we feel that he can sort that issue out through training camp and could end up stealing some games for us.

                “One of Mylec’s biggest assets is his durability.  He has shown a history of being game ready day in and day out.  There’s not a more durable netkeeper out there.”

And when asked about his net coverage:

                “Look, he’s got some holes, but really, the only guys that have faced this type of goalie are anyone who has ever participated in the NHL skills competition.  Mark my words; Mylec will be an all-star.

                “Overall, we like this move.  We cleared some real dead weight, and improved our cap situation.  Because let’s be honest; Brian Lawton looked at the salary cap, pooped on it, puked on it, doused it with gasoline, and set that baby on fire.”

Mylec was asked for a comment, but hadn’t arrived yet due to not being shipped some issues with his visa. 

Fun With Photshop, Part Deux

So, the playoffs are over, the dust has settled on the Boucher hiring, and the World Cup is in full swing.  In other words, its a pretty damn boring time to be a hockey fan.

So, to give you at least a little time to waste, I've found some more images of your favorite Lightning characters.  As always, feel free to email me your own.

Getting to Know Guy Boucher

Well, Guy Boucher is our new coach, and if you’re like me, before now, you didn’t know too much about him. Also, if you are like me, and if you’ve read this blog for any length of time, you know far too much about Rick Tocchet. So, in order to get everyone acquainted here, I’ve decided to compare Boucher and Tocchet.

Guy Boucher is 38. Rick Tocchet is 12.

Guy Boucher has won 106 games the last two seasons. Rick Tocchet has won half of that. Literally.

Guy Boucher has degrees in three different areas. Rick Tocchet has passed third grade.

Guy Boucher has a rather large scar on his right cheek. Rick Tocchet is a rather large scar.

Guy Boucher made a joke about Steve Yzerman’s wife. I’ve made jokes about Rick Tocchet and Wayne Gretzky’s wife.

Guy Boucher created a new challenge for the players every day, according to Derick Brassard. Every day is a new challenge for Rick Tocchet.

Guy Boucher is a gamble for the Lightning. Rick Tocchet probably gambled on the Lightning.

Guy Boucher has a son named Vincent. Rick Tocchet hates a guy named Vincent.

Most fans will have a hard time at first pronouncing Guy Boucher’s name. Rick Tocchet has a hard time spelling his.

Guy Boucher uses a unique 1-3-1 fore-checking system. Rick Tocchet can add 1+3+1.

Other Instances of Hockey Heroism

The big story yesterday was that of Ron Maclean saving some people from drowning while having lunch with Don Cherry.  It was a truly miraculous story given that Maclean’s vision had to be much less sharp than usual, given Cherry’s typical attire. 

At any rate, I did some research, and found that this incident is just one of many instances of unexpected heroism from the sport of hockey.

Matt Bradley saved Alex Ovechkin from almost certain destruction at the hands of Steve Downie. Ovechkin left a leg out and collided with Downie knee to knee.  This ensued later.

Of course, this was followed by the NHL saving Ovechkin from certain suspension, given the general frowning upon of knee to knee hits in the NHL.  

Sports betting was seemingly a trend of the past, with Pete Rose stepping away and Tim Donaghy being indicted.  That is of course until our good pal Rick Tocchet stepped in and filled the void.  

 Steve Yzerman rescued the fans of the Tampa Bay Lightning.  No explanation needed. 

 Vinny Lecavalier unselfishly has saved the careers of every major NHL media outlet on the planet by constantly volunteering for insulting asinine infuriating silly trade rumors.

In a very under-publicized act of heroism, Kyle Wellwood saves a struggling food industry from total failure.  Unbeknownst to everyone, the food industry was almost overtaken by the organic diet movement.  Luckily for everyone, (most notably fast food) Wellwood stepped up and took several one for the team.

Brian Burke has already saved the career of either Taylor Hall, or Tyler Seguin, and pretty much every potential early first rounder by trading away every first round pick the Leafs will ever have, ensuring that they will play for a contender.  

In a complete effort of community outreach, the Montreal Canadiens protected both the law enforcement and construction industries in Montreal by putting together an embarrassing riot causing hell breaking inspiring playoff run.