NHL Adopts 'Jackpot' as Contract Determinator

Frustrated and fatigued by the ongoing Kovalchuk drama, the NHL has decided to implement the popular children's game "Jackpot" as the official deciding factor for free agents in the league.

In the kids game, an amount is determined to win, and the thrower throws a ball and calls out an amount in the air. The first person to catch a total of that amount or the "Jackpot" toss wins, and becomes the new thrower, and the game proceeds from there.

The NHL has made some adjustments, but has kept the game largely in tact. 

NHL representative Bill Daly had this to offer about the new initiative:

"Basically, what happens is, the free agents gather in the parking lot. Gary Bettman gets on the roof of the NHL offices, calls out a contract amount and a team. Whatever he calls is what the player who catches it gets."

When asked for a comment, Bettman had this to say:

"Just one more thing we can do to influence parity within the league. It should get me exercising more too. I'm excited."

As far as the actual teams go, the Edmonton Oilers were clearly the most supportive of this idea.  GM Steve Tambellini was especially outspoken:

"We love this idea. Anything that can be done to actually give us a chance at signing high-end free agents, we support."

The DTV Radio Debut

Well, the big news in DTV-land this week is that of my appearance on the Bob and Tom morning show. To make a long story short, hit or miss comedian Bob Zany has an ongoing contest of sorts that allows you to fix one of his jokes. If he likes yours, you get to tell it on the Bob and Tom show, and you get some other great prizes.

Needless to say, he, like you, enjoys my sense of humor. Here is the clip of the show that contains my appearance. Enjoy!



Yes, my real name is Matt.

A huge thanks to everyone at the Bob and Tom show, Bob Zany and anyone that tuned in. Thanks a ton guys, it was one of the most fun things I've done this year.


(This blog is in no way associated with the Bob and Tom show or Bob Zany. This file is probably the intellectual property of Bob and Tom. No theft or trademark use or infringement is implied or intended.)

A New Logo for DTV?

I've been toying with the idea of having a logo. What do you guys think?

(This blog is not associated with the D.A.R.E. program in any way. There is no copyright use or infringement either implied or intended.)

How This All Happened: Dan Ellis Explodes on Twitter

In one of the most bizarre episodes I’ve seen during my brief time on Twitter, Dan Ellis went batshit crazy off on a crazy rant about why people make more money than others and then attacked/blocked anyone who disagreed.

Everything I had seen before from Ellis on Twitter, as well as everything I’d heard of him, was all positive. He had always seemed like a nice guy, so I knew there had to be something going on. As always, I sent the Don’t Trade Vinny Investigation Team (DTVIT) out to investigate, and sure enough, there was definitely something going down.

It turns out that early in the season back in 08-09, Ellis showed up late for a game, and in his haste, accidentally grabbed Pekka Rinne's blocker instead of his own.  Unbeknownst at the time, a huge faux pas in the Finnish leagues is to use someone else’s equipment for any reason, with or without asking.

Thus, set in action a personal vendetta against Ellis on the part of Rinne. It started with simple gags such as a fake spider in Ellis’ skates, and putting vinegar in his water bottle. But, the feud escalated with Rinne taking the starting role in Nashville and essentially running Ellis out of town.

However, all of this was not enough for Rinne. He was intent on ruining Ellis. Embarrassing him. Destroying his credibility. Desecrating his reputation.  And the explosion on Twitter was simply an extension of his vendetta, it turns out.

That’s right: Pekka Rinne hacked Dan Ellis’ Twitter account and started rambling incoherent nonsense about brain surgeons and dime-a-dozen employees. And that, is how all of this happened.

Patrick Kane and Cup Get Stuck in Fire Truck Bucket, Eddie Murphy Comes to the Rescue

Yesterday, during his day with the Cup, Chicago Blackhawks forward Patrick Kane and the Cup were stranded a good 70 feet in the air for roughly 20 minutes in the bucket of a fire truck. The ordeal finally ended when Eddie Murphy appeared out of no where and thrilled the crowd by pulling off a stunning rescue.

The still nimble Murphy managed to maneuver acrobatically up the ladder, and brought Kane and the Cup down by rope. No damage was done to the Cup, and Kane sustained no injuries. When asked about the rescue, Kane had this to say:

"Yeah, it was weird, man. All of a sudden the Beverly Hills Cop Theme started playing and he just kind of showed up."

Buffalo Fire Commissioner Garnell Whitfield, Jr. was grateful for Murphy's efforts:

"Once Eddie showed up, I knew everything would be fine. I'm just confused as to where the music was coming from."

Murphy received a 10 minute standing ovation after the rescue, but still felt underwhelmed after the whole thing.

"The asshole didn't even say 'thanks.' He just asked if he could borrow $20 for cab fare and then took off."

From the Archives: A Day With the Cup

As has been noted by every other hockey blog ever, it’s August and there’s pretty much nothing going on in the NHL. The free agency hoopla is over with and Stevie has for the time being retreated to the Degobah system, so yeah, it’s pretty dull around here.

Never the less, DTV has an obligation to its fans to keep them entertained, so I began to do some research. It turns out that our favorite years’ team had some pretty interesting times during their day with the Cup.

Dave Andreychuk, after painfully waiting 22 years to win the cup had derived a diabolical plan to destroy the Cup so that no other player would have to endure the suffering he went through. But, just like game 7, he got locked out of his own house and the plan fell through.

Coach John Tortorella sat the Cup at the very end of his sofa and spent all day yelling and cussing at it. 

Nikolai Khabibulin just hung out all day using the Cup to take shots of Russian Vodka. 

No word on what exactly Vinny Lecavalier did with the Cup on his day, but there are a lot of rumors that he let some players from Montreal and Toronto borrow it.

Brad Richards had a bit of bad luck during his time with the Cup, having scratched one side of the Cup’s upper rim. After spending half of the day getting the scratch buffed out, he then dropped it walking out of the repair shop, scratching most of the other side of the repaired rim.

Darryl Sydor sadly didn’t get to enjoy his day with the Cup, having to constantly answer the question “Your middle name is Marion???”

Another bummer, as Dan Boyle had to spend his day with the Cup in a local ER after the Cup slipped off the table it was resting on, hitting him in the head and giving him a concussion while he was tying his shoe.

Perhaps the most joyous day with the Cup was with Marty St. Louis, with Marty having used the Cup as a booster seat so that he finally didn’t have to sit at the children’s table at the annual family picnic.

(Big Glove Bump to John Fontana over at Raw Charge for some ideas for this.)