A Tampa Bay Lightning Fan’s Guide to Being a Tampa Bay Lightning Fan

Well, it’s been a pretty solid year for the Lightning so far, which means we’ve got a few more fans hanging out than usual.  With that in mind, I’m putting together a two-part series on how to be a Lightning fan. 

To most of you: Welcome! 

To most of the rest of you:  Fuck off. Welcome Back!  Haven’t seen you since like 2006.

To those who are left:  Has the economy gotten any better in Detroit?  Sorry about that.

As with most teams, there are some key ideas, players, and concepts that are crucial to being a fan of the Lightning.  As a convenience to you, I’ve gone ahead and outlined some advice in regards to those concepts just in time for the big playoff push.  They’re all lumped together in a ‘FAQ’ style to make it easier for all of you.  Start familiarizing yourself with these ideas, and you should fit in just fine by the beginning of April.

- No, you can’t have Stevie back.

- Go ahead and take a look at the roster.  We actually don’t play “Stamkos versus all” against other teams. 

- Hockey is actually a little more in depth than ‘soccer on ice.’

- It’s actually pronounced “Gee.”  Yeah, I thought Hebert was the only one too.  Guess not.

- No, Vinny has not been traded.

- Yes, our first star goalie was named Puppa.  And yes, it still makes me giggle.

- No, you can’t have Stevie back.

- No, we haven’t traded Vinny yet.

- Oh, that Vinny.  Yeah, we’ve traded him like 16 times already.  New York.  Rangers.  Torts is there too.  And Fedo.  Yeah, actually it is pretty damn funny to think about Torts and Brooks interacting daily. 

- You should probably look up the term “lazy turnover in his own zone” and start desensitizing yourself to it.

- No, we still haven’t traded Vinny.

- No, that little guy doesn’t have some weird Blues third jersey on, that’s actually his name.

- Why, yes, he has been known to carry a light saber around. 

- We have this super funny blogger.  He’s pretty cute too. 

- It’s probably a good idea to adopt black as one of your favorite colors.  Trust me on that one.

- Look man; I told you, Stevie is staying with us.

- No matter what your intentions, “Puck bunny” is not a flattering term.  Trust me on that one.

- Dude, the trade deadline was Monday.  Quit asking me, we can’t even talk about that again until the summer.

- Dave Mishkin is not a raging lunatic.  Just excitable. 

- Oh that? That stands for “Goals For” and “Goals Against.”  You should probably just start ignoring that part of the standings.  Trust me on that one.

- Yes, we did actually have a team the past two seasons, but all records of that ever happening have been doused in gasoline, torched, and the ashes buried in the deepest pits of the Indian Ocean in a trunk that has 45 of the strongest locks known to man guarding it. We’ve also trained 13 Great White Sharks to constantly circle the area where it’s buried.  No, seriously.

In Part Two tomorrow, we may take a deeper look at some of these concepts when we talk about the different types of Lightning fans, and how to deal with them.  Stay Tuned.