Harold Camping Forced to Apologize to Lightning Fans After Stamkos Re-signs, World Doesn't End

Raise your hand if you don't know what you're talking about.

The Lightning re-signed Steven Stamkos yesterday to a five-year deal worth an awful damn similar amount to what Stevie said it would be estimated $37.5 million, sending fans into an outrage over yet another incorrect doomsday prediction from controversial Christian radio dumbass prognosticator Harold Camping.

Unbeknownst to many, Camping, after bonering up failing with his prediction for a May 21st Rapture, set his sights on a new July 1st day of Armageddon.  With that date in mind, he noticed that negotiations had stalled with budding superstar Stamkos, and the team.

As Camping began to form his prediction for the apocalyptic situation, a climate of fear and devastation began a stranglehold on the Lightning fan base.  Fans became desolate as rumors of their beloved Stamkos joining the Maple Leafs, or even the hated Philadelphia Flyers.

The levels of fear and despair amongst the fans reached completely unnecessarily insufferable levels despite the fact that the Flyers just spent like half the National deficit on Ilya Bryzgalov, this is Brian Burke's semi-annual-sign-only-American-born-players-year, and the largest single factor in this entire drama: the fact that Steve Yzerman is a God.

Despite failing health, and another embarrassing miscalculation on his part, Camping seemed upbeat about things, having this to offer:

"I think we can all take comfort in the fact that we now know without utmost certainty what day those of us Rapturians live for.  July 1st, 2016 will be the most Rapturiest, Rapturtastic, Rap-rapturey Rapture of all Rapturing time.  Mark my words."