The Lightning as Monty Python and the Holy Grail

You may have noticed that we’ve been in kind of a slump here at DTV.  The long playoff run, combined with and expanded teaching role, combined with the conclusion of #DTVDateWatch over the past few months will do that.  

And just like athletes, when I get into a slump, I get back to the basics. So, I’m going back to my roots here, and bringing you the next chapter in “The Lightning as…” Series:  The Lightning as Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

Those responsible for the fault in subtitles who have been sacked - OK Hockey.

King Arthur – Vinny Lecavalier.

Noble, intelligent, a great leader.  Vinny is King Arthur.

Knights who say ‘Ni.’ – Dave Mishkin.

“SCCCOOOORRRRREEEEEE!!!!” = “Ni!”

Plus, the facial hair kind of matches.

The Witch – Rick Tocchet.

BURN HER!! 

Throw her into the pond!!

Sir Lancelot – Guy Boucher.

Obviously the most cosmetically similar.  Like Lancelot, Boucher knows his stuff, is a valiant fighter and strategist, and has a penchant for saving his fellow soldiers from almost certain peril. 

With that scar, he must've saved someone from some peril.

French Taunter – Steve Downie.

Unless he’s on your side, he drives you freaking nuts.  Plus, you know if there was anyone in the Lightning dressing room that would hype on farting on someone, it would be him.

Tim the Enchanter – Phil Esposito.

Much like Tim, Espo breathes fire, rarely makes sense, and yet seems to know it all.

Not pictured: The fire shooting across the room.

Sir Not Appearing in this Film – Paul Ranger.

The tenants of the Castle Anthrax – The Lightning Ice Girls.

Yes, yes, you must give us all a good spanking.

Sir Robin – Brett Clark.

Dude hasn’t been in a fight in years. 

Sir Bedevere – Eric Brewer.

Seems like a brilliant acquisition at first, but then starts doing a bunch of dumb stuff and then you kind of start to wonder….

Nu!!

Dead Collector – Matt Gilroy.

Ya know, tries to do the right thing, but then just ends up killing our goaltender anyway.

Old Man who isn’t dead – Dwayne Roloson.

Pretty self-explanatory. 

I feel happy! I feel happy!!

Sir Galahad – Steven Stamkos.

Much like Stamkos’ late playoff slump, Galahad just couldn’t bring himself to score.

There's nothing wrong with 'that.'

Swamp Castle Guards – Pavel Kubina and Victor Hedman.

An opposing forward swoops past at full speed, taking the puck with him.  These two respond: “Hey…”

Chanting Monks – Lightning Fans.

No matter how much we chant and cheer, everything always ends with a facepalm. 

And sometimes we facepalm at each other instead of the defense.

The Rabbit of Caerbannog – Marty St. Louis.

Indestructible, ferocious, small.  Marty is that psycho rabbit they had to blow up with a grenade.  And don’t act like you aren’t chuckling at the mental image of Marty jumping up and taking a bite out of Zdeno Chara’s neck.  Exactly.

Black Knight – Mattias Ohlund.

Let’s be honest here; Ohlund has no fucking legs anymore, and he pretty much lets everyone past him anyway. 

None shall pass.