Tampa Bay Lightning First Tweets

New Lightning 3rd Logo?

The Lightning this past year have had a few players join the world of Twitter.  Most notably Nate Thompson, Steven Stamkos, and Vinny Lecavalier.  Which, speaking of, Vinny, you’re not following me yet, and I think we can all agree that that’s just not acceptable.  Not to mention, you haven’t tweeted anything since like May. 

Oh, right, this post.  

Anyway, it was brought to my attention that Victor Hedman (or at least someone claiming to be him) has become the most recent Bolt to hop on Twitter.  Now, if you’re a regular DTV-er, then you, like me, were probably thinking “A guy that turns the puck over that much has time for Twitter? Shouldn’t he be working on his puckhandling?”  But, it did get me thinking, if all the Lightning players had Twitter accounts, what would their first tweets be?  I got together with my DTV Investigation Team, and put together a list for you guys.

@Bugsy: I think I’m going to get the #FailWhale tattooed on my ankle.  What do you guys think?

@SteveF-ingDownie:  I tried Twitter a few years ago, and everyone blocked me.  Maybe they’ve gotten over by now.  #dontcountonit

@pranger:   

@Roli35: Damn kids playing in my lawn making a bunch of noise.  Can’t hear the TV.  When the hell is Matlock on, anyway?

@BergenHulk: $$$$$$$$

@EBrew2: Well, now that I fooled em into to resigning me, back to mediocrity! #TakinHerEasy 

@GuyBouch:  Got a Twitter so that I can finally tell everyone about the scar. (12:34:13PM)

@GuyBouch:   Hahaha, just kidding! (12:34:18PM)

@DOHLUND:  Actually hasn’t tweeted anything yet, but it ‘s weird, his only follower is Victor Hedman, but he’s following every player in the NHL, except for his teammates.

@StevieYzerman:  Just signed up for Twitter so I could tell everyone to CALM THE FUCK DOWN ABOUT STEVEN STAMKOS.  

@MightyMouse26:  Ya know, jumping from letter to letter to type these tweets is actually a pretty good workout.




Big goalie headbutt to loyal DTV-er @AbbySmink for a lot of the ideas for this.  Give her a follow.  

Father’s Day in the Lightning Locker Room

I'll give you a hint: He plays Right Wing.

It’s well known that Father’s Day is a big deal in Major League Baseball.  Players wear blue arm bands and hit home runs to donate money to Prostate research.  Father/son duos in the crowd are spontaneously interviewed.  The commentators boast about their favorite trip to the ball park with dad.  

Despite the NHL’s hardest attempts to make the playoffs last not only until Father’s Day, but until the Fourth of July, the Cup Finals came up a few days short, leaving the NHL just shy of a great marketing opportunity.  Never the less, Father’s Day is a big deal to NHL players, especially those of the Lightning.  My DTV Investigation Team was sent out to the various homes of the Lightning’s players, and got the scoop on what gifts they gave their dads this year, or what presents their kids got them. 

Steven Stamkos:  In an odd exchange, Stamkos gets nothing for his dad, and instead, his father buys him a brand new face.

Steve Downie:  Continues to get his girlfriend's dad really solid Father's Day gifts, despite that one God awful, terrible, despicable time he forgot like 13 years ago.   

Guy Boucher:  Didn’t say where his gift was from, but did say he would tell everyone when he felt the time was right.  

Marty St. Louis: Gets frustrated when, after having bought his dad the most valuable watch on the entire planet, has to return it because the wrist band is too small.

Steve Yzerman:  As usual, Yzerman manages to get his dad something better than he did last year.  Dad’s response: “It’s nice, but I won’t know the true value of this gift for another three to five years, really.”

Eric Brewer:  After developing a reputation of being an extremely mediocre gift-giver over the years, came out of nowhere and gave his dad a Ferrari.  

Vinny Lecavalier:  Selflessly gave his dad the 450 airfare vouchers to Toronto and Montreal he’s racked up over the years. 

Dave Mishkin:  The DTV Investigation Team showed up about twenty minutes late, and thus didn’t catch what Mishkin’s kids actually got for him, but it must’ve been really awesome, because he was still yelling about it.  

Dwayne Roloson:  Given that his father was a casualty of the Revolutionary War, Roloson hasn’t been on the hook for a Dad’s Day gift for many years; however, his kids did chip in and get him a new walker.

Victor Hedman and Mattias Ohlund:  Continuing a long trend of gift wrapping presents to the wrong people, are just now getting around to sending out their Mother’s Day gifts. 

An Update Less Vague Than a Playoff Injury

This is not a picture of me.

The Stanley Cup is in full blast.  If you're a long time reader of my blog, you're probably thinking "so fucking what?"

Well, for us that means that we've got the draft, free agency, and more Stevie Y Jedi Mind Tricks to look forward to.  And you know what that means!  Your loyal DTV Investigation Team exploiting them to their fullest extent!

However, the real reason for this update is to just inform you guys of all the current DTV social media outlets.

Many of you know that I have a Facebook page.  I originally was trying to create a fan page, but, I Toccheted it up and it was created as a normal friend page.  At the time I didn't think much of it, and actually enjoyed FB chatting with some of my readers.  Then started a trend that hasn't waned, that I truly don't understand.

An overwhelming amount of people started friending me and sending me messages as if I were the real Vincent Lecavalier.  Many of them in French.  I'm serious.

Now, aside from the fact that it takes all of about 10 seconds to look at someone's info on Facebook, and my info is clearly labeled as a blog and makes no intent whatsoever to be confused for Vinny, I have some questions about this.

Why would Vinny have a Facebook?

Why wouldn't you start to wonder if it was really him when status updates, posts, and pictures were being posted DURING THE GAME?

Why the hell would he refer to himself in third person?  Most normal people, if they were to do it, would make the username 'Don't Trade Me.'

I digress.  And I'm sure there will still be some confusion, but the actual Fan Page is finally up.  The old friend page will be slowly dismantled and eventually deleted.  Like Brian Lawton.  You can find it on the left hand side there, or the link is here. 

And, as always, you can catch post updates, general disdain, and often times funny tweets by following me on Twitter.  As you can see, I'm getting close to 1,000 crazies followers on Twitter, so feel free to not do anything towards that.

All this duck-in-a-rowing media wise has me feeling somewhat renewed creatively, and if Tim Thomas keeps it up, I'm bound to have a new post for you all very soon.

Thanks as always, DTV-ers,
-DTV