Well, the Lightning are turning in another season of thoroughly disappointing hockey that has seen them write the book on shotty defense and goaltending, amass a terrible record, and plummet to the Conference cellar. All of which are long-standing traditions of the Bolts, dating back to the early 90’s.
Speaking of the early 90’s, it seems that the Lightning have a lot of similarities to Super Mario World. They both have long-tenured heroes, long-tenured villains, were started by some weird Asian dude that no one is sure really exists, and they both have the ability to drive you absolutely fucking insane, no matter what version you’re dealing with.
Beyond that, it turns out they both have some characters that are similar too.
Super Mario: Steven Stamkos
The first thing anyone thinks of when you mention Super Mario is Mario. The first thing anyone thinks of when you mention the Lightning is Steven Stamkos.
Luigi: Vinny Lecavalier
Even though he can do everything just as well as Mario, no one ever wants to be Luigi.
Goombas: Oren Koules and Len Barrie
Stumbling around, slowing everyone else down, stepping on each other, and not really accomplishing a damn thing.
Bowser: Rick Tocchet
The evil arch nemesis of all Lightning fans, and reason to be bitter for years. And they both look ridiculous.
Lakitu: Dominic Moore
Just kind of throws things anywhere, not really caring where it goes, or who it hits in the face.
Princess Toadstool: Eric Brewer
Seem pretty awesome the first time you encounter them, but then they quickly lose their charm when they keep making the same mistake every freaking time you turn on the game.
Dry Bones: Dwayne Roloson
Slow, brittle, old, and usually nowhere close to where he should be.
Koopas: The Lightning defense
Not all that bright, easy to get around, and generally only move in one direction.
The Big Boo: Steve Downie
Likes to come at you when you aren’t looking.
Yoshi: Marty St. Louis
Capable of the most unbelievable of feats, cute, and known for long streaks of carrying the entire team on his back, Marty is Yoshi. Besides, after that stick to the face in the series against Pittsburgh last season, it’s obvious that he can eat damn near anything.
Mattias Ohlund isn’t actually a character from the game, but plays the role of that annoying cousin you’re forced to play with who dies on the same part of the same damn level every damn time you play, and usually because a koopa shell comes out of nowhere with his back turned and hits him squarely in the ass.
If any of the original pictures belong to you, and you want me to take them down just email me, don't be a dick.