The DTV Boner of the Week Award: Steven Stamkos

The DTV Boner of the Week Award will be a weekly feature highlighting the dumbest, most comical play of the week and the wreckage that ensues after it.  Basically, it’s something to get me freaking writing each week again.  It’ll appear on Mondays or Tuesdays throughout the regular season and the playoffs. Enjoy.  

Well, the Lightning’s season ended last week, being punctuated with a victory against the Jets in Winnipeg in which Steven Stamkos scored his 60^th goal of the season.  With there likely to be weeks at a time in which the Lightning will be even more irrelevant than usual coming up, and the fact that a guy from a Southeast Division team scored it in Canada, Stammer’s 60^th seemed to be the perfect excuse to make him the boner of the week.  

Especially after this interview:

 

Bonerific?  I’d say.  

“Yeah, that’s great.”

Right off the bat, Stamkos drops the best one-liner of any Lightning player in the past few years and with a delivery that almost makes me jealous, Stamkos is unable to hide his disdain for the shaving cream pie.  

What also bonerfies this quote is the immediate tinge of pain Bolts fans everywhere feel when they realize that that has been their exact tone and reaction to every weak goal given up this season.  And just as we’re all about to punch a kitten, they show footage of the attack.  

Which somehow catches Stamkos completely by surprise. 

Despite being as predictable as a key change in a Barry Manilow song and the oldest sports gag in the book, Stammer has no clue that 6’4’’, 225 pound Ryan Malone is standing right behind him, with his tattoos lighting up the room like a carnival ride.  

Malone takes advantage of Stamkos’ ambivalence and pounces from behind.  He never really had a chance, which would normally be pretty damn embarrassing, except that…

Chris Dingman continues the interview, completely unaware that anything out of the norm has happened. 

Despite the uproar from the other reporters and the fact that he watches the entire thing unfold, Dingman continues asking questions, seemingly without noticing that an attack has unfolded. 

And, evidently without the realization that most normal people can’t answer questions with a mouth full of shaving cream.  

Speaking of not noticing…

Stamkos’ mane becomes noticeable only after getting pied. 

After an impressive beard display in last season’s playoffs, Stamkos’ facial hair seems to have fallen off the boat this season.  And why not?  Everyone else on the Lightning has.  

So there you go number 91.  The Boner of the Week Award is all yours.  It should look real nice on the mantle next to your two Rocket Richard trophies.  

A huge thanks to ClareAustin who will be scouring days hours of video clips to come up with the DTV Boner of the Week.