Predicting the Western Conference Finals

Well, this post comes to you a day late (and tomorrow’s will too) because someone is a dumbass and didn’t bother to look at the schedule.  My b.  

Why no, I was always awesome and deserve no criticism whatsoever.

Well, things are down the final four now, and there certainly have been some surprises along the way.  Last round, I got it half right, all across the board, which is fitting because that closely resembles the Lightning’s team Goals Against Average this season.  

At any rate, let’s get down to brass tacks, yeah? 

3: Phoenix Coyotes – 8: Los Angeles Kings 

Offense

Phoenix: Have an offense that’s really starting to heat up, because let’s be honest; everything in Phoenix is this time of year.

Los Angeles: Jeff Carter is finally starting to pick up the pace and pull his weight.  Either that, or all that bleach is finally starting to wear off his hair and not weighing him down as much. 

Advantage: Kings.

Defense

Phoenix: Have a defense that likes to get involved in the offense, take risks, and evidently take the phrase “It’s never a bad play to put the puck on net” very seriously.

Los Angeles: Have Drew Doughty.  And also, Drew Doughty.  And don’t forget, they have Drew Doughty. 

Advantage: Doughty. 

Goaltending

Phoenix: Mike Smith is able to fire the puck pretty much anywhere he wants with extreme accuracy from behind the red line. 

Los Angeles: Which, apparently, should scare the hell out of Jonathan Quick. 

Advantage: Phoenix.

Coaching

Phoenix: Have a chick in the crowd right behind their bench during home games that would make any guy nervous.  Also, 100% of guys that read this will get this joke. 

Los Angeles: Last round, some guy named Suter didn’t have too good of a time against the Coyotes.  We’ll see if the extra ‘t’ puts him over the edge. 

Advantage: Los Angeles. 

Intangibles

Phoenix: No longer have a messy ownership situation hanging over their heads.

Los Angeles: Never had a messy ownership situation, given that Drew Doughty has owned the team since like September. 

Advantage: Push.  

Prediction: This series never comes to an end, as in the second period of game three, the linesmen just start kicking people out of the faceoff dot and never stop.  Including themselves, Pierre McGuire, the fans, and the concessions people, and the league is forced to cancel the Stanley Cup.